Today was my last sunday at metro. The service was amazing. But kinda in a depressing way. I noticed that every song seemed to basically say "the Lord be with you cause Im never gonna see you again" which i don't think was intentional, but it happened. And so that put me in a mood. You know, the reflective kind.

I haven't really talked about my experience with many people. mostly because it is so different compared to anything most people i know have ever experienced, it would just take more than a phone conversation to explain it. And really, there is no way to explain it unless you are in my crazy head.

And as i am begining to realize that its pretty much over, I am trying to process it. But what i am thinking right now is that i really like it here. and that thought surprises me because i miss home a lot, but its almost as if this fits too. Today after the service a few of my church friends told me that they were sure I would be back...they said some people always find their way back, and that i was one of those people. And honestly, i could see it happening. The opportunity is there.

but the question i keep coming to is "who am i supposed to be." because what i have realized is that the people here, church here, and life here is not like at home. and it honestly is a different world. so what does God have and want for me. Can i be who i am at home here, or will i be transformed, and can i be who i am here at home or will i slowly shift back into that world. and i am just constantly pushed with the questions of what my life is going to look like in a year...if i am supposed to be married or go to the peace corp or come to nyc or move back home... no one is asking these things except me. self inflicted questions

welcome to my life

so i think i am going to put these questions on hold for a little while. at least so that i can experience my "last" moments. with the kids. with my friends. with the city. and i will cry. i know i will. its what i do.

so just in case you were wondering, that is my life at this moment. always check out my facebook pictures for a more visual update of my life.

much love <3